When the wind had grown quite cold while I was with Emily, I headed to the annex. After what happened today, I felt the need to have a proper conversation with Herlin Manor’s specter. Even though I’d been seeing him nightly for several days now, I knew nothing about him.
What his true identity was. How he ended up under such magic. What use he wanted from me. Whether there really was no way to break this magic forever.
But judging from his personality so far, he didn’t seem likely to tell me all this willingly. Even his talk about confirming my usefulness meant he needed me too, yet he showed no intention of telling me about himself.
‘He plans to use me however he wants without my knowledge. That can’t happen. I need to change the situation somehow.’
When I opened the door and entered like always, he was once again staring out the window without fail. He must have heard the door open, but he didn’t move a muscle like a doll. While I wondered if I should speak first, fortunately a quiet voice reached me.
“You came early again today.”
“Well, you told me to come early.”
“That was just something I said.”
“What…?”
His indifferent response left me speechless rather than just bewildered. I had harbored just the tiniest hope that maybe he really had come to the kitchen to scold Ralph for my sake.
If that wasn’t the case, there was no need for him to go through the trouble of coming to the kitchen when he never showed his face anywhere.
But that doubt scattered like smoke in an instant with just one sentence.
“Then it would have been better if you hadn’t said those last words.”
“Why?”
“Because everyone’s obviously going to misunderstand.”
“What kind of misunderstanding?”
He wasn’t some clueless child – a grown man and woman, and he couldn’t possibly not know what it meant to tell someone to come to his quarters late at night. I couldn’t understand why he was asking such a question. Something felt off, but in case he really didn’t know, I answered diligently.
“Obviously…! They’ll misunderstand that we have that kind of relationship. Everyone’s already whispering about whether I’m going to become the lady of Herlin Manor… And if this gets out, nothing good will come of it.”
The man who had been consistently indifferent to whatever I said finally turned to look at me for the first time. A faint smile played on his lips.
“Why not?”
Somehow, I didn’t think he was asking out of ignorance – he had said before that my parting words had impure intentions. Looking at his attitude now, he clearly knew everything and was doing this on purpose.
I didn’t want to play along with this guy’s schemes, but under his gaze that seemed to urge an answer, I had no choice but to speak.
“…I have many family members to support anyway, so I’ve never even thought about marriage. You’re different from someone like me. You’ll have to marry a proper young lady and continue your family line. You already know the rumors about the mansion are ominous…”
“What kind of rumors?”
“Well… there are some. Just some bad rumors…”
He narrowed his eyes and looked at me. But I couldn’t exactly say outright in front of the person involved that there were rumors about Herlin Manor being a mansion that devours people, or that the mansion’s owner trafficked people and sold them off somewhere.
I turned my eyes toward the window, avoiding his gaze. I worried about what to do if he pressed further, but fortunately his interest only went that far. When he said nothing more, I took this opportunity to subtly reveal my true feelings.
“Actually, what happened today was too much. Anyone watching would think Ralph slapped me and you scolded him for it.”
“That’s right though.”
“I thought so… Huh? What did you say?”
“I said that’s right. How dare a mere human touch what’s mine so arrogantly. He wants to die.”
Whether he was truly displeased, his brow furrowed deeply. His beautiful golden eyes glittered with anger. I was truly bewildered by this unexpected reaction.
When did he torment me, and why was he now acting like he was protecting me? I couldn’t tell if men were naturally this unpredictable or if this guy was particularly so.
No more conversation followed after those words. His gaze returned to the window and I stood awkwardly in the room. I couldn’t just waste precious time standing there blankly until my body heated up.
In that case, wouldn’t it be better to strike up a conversation and learn new information? While pondering what to say that would sound natural, I finally managed to move my reluctant lips.
“…What’s outside the window?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Every time I come, you always seem to be looking out the window.”
“There’s nothing there.”
“Then why do you keep looking?”
“Just because.”
“…Just because?”
Thinking there might be something I didn’t know about, I approached near the window. But all I could see was the common autumn garden scenery. The flower buds that had been blooming abundantly until recently had all withered, and the leaves that had been full of life had dried up and become brittle.
“There doesn’t seem to be anything special…”
Whether he heard my quiet muttering, he suddenly asked me:
“Why are you suddenly doing something you never did before? It’s strange.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re usually not interested in me.”
The Herlin Manor specter I’d observed so far was someone unpredictable. Of course, he had unexpectedly considerate sides, but that didn’t make him seem like a fundamentally good person.
If I said I’d become curious about him, he’d ask why, and if he found out it was questions related to magic, he probably wouldn’t tell me. Worried about this possibility, I played dumb.
“Me?”
“Yeah. Look at you now. Normally you wouldn’t even think of coming close to me.”
“That’s… I was just curious…”
“So why did you suddenly become curious about me? Did you start to like me or something?”
Whatever I answered here, he’d want to know the reason. If it wasn’t a plausible basis, he’d question my behavior that was different from usual. No matter how I thought about what would sound natural, it was hard to come up with a clear answer. Time kept passing and I had to answer somehow.
“Ah, um… that’s right.”
“Right? What’s right?”
“It’s right that I started to like you.”
“Why?”
“Well…”
His ambiguous gaze suddenly turned sharp. His eyes, seemingly trying to gauge my inner thoughts, felt like they would pierce right through me. The strange tension made my lips dry.
“Because I fell for you. Today… when you scolded Ralph like a prince.”
“…You fell for me? For me?”
Even after saying it himself, he burst into hearty laughter at whatever he found so funny. The sound was so loud it seemed like it would reach the main building, which was quite far from here.
It would have been nice if I’d thought of a better excuse, but I’d already blurted it out. He laughed for a long time before finally stopping. Then he stared at me with eyes that had turned cold.
“If you knew what kind of expression you look at me with, you couldn’t say such things.”
“What kind of expression do I look at you with?”
“You’re disgusted with me. Every time I touch you, every time you get aroused because of me. Isn’t that right?”
“That’s… I can’t help it. When I think about doing anything more between a man and woman… I get so disgusted…”
“What’s the reason?”
A flash of interest flickered in his golden eyes. I didn’t know what part had stimulated his curiosity, but this was the first time he’d shown interest like this.
“If I tell you the reason, can you answer what I ask?”
“Did I treat you too comfortably? How dare you make conditions.”
“I won’t ask anything difficult. They say when you like someone, you want to know about them.”
His gaze that had been rising sharply like an awl lowered and relaxed languidly. The relief from his gentler eyes was brief – one corner of his mouth twisted up. At that sight, cold sweat seemed to run down my spine.
“Words you don’t mean.”
“I’m being sincere.”
“Can you prove those words?”
“When you say prove…”
Finally, he commanded me with an arrogant expression.
“Then kiss me right now. If you really started to like me, you should be able to do that disgusting act too.”
“That’s…”
Unlike me who was flustered, the man before me wore a leisurely smile. He gazed at me with eyes filled with amusement, then continued mockingly.
“I never thought you’d be able to do it from the start. There’s no way you’d like me.”
His voice carried such conviction that I felt a pointless defiance. I wanted to somehow deflate this man’s arrogance.
But even so, it was hard to erase the disgust I’d learned since childhood in an instant. After hesitating over and over again, I asked him.
“…If I kiss you, will you really believe me?”
“I’ll think about it.”
Just imagining kissing this guy made my whole body break out in goosebumps and cold sweat. On top of that, thinking about lips touching lips and exchanging saliva made me feel like I’d retch right then and there.
Maybe it would help if I imagined that the person I was kissing wasn’t human.
No, rather than thinking of it specifically as a kiss, it might be okay if I thought of it as giving a cute creature a peck.
‘What’s in front of me is… the puppy from the mansion where I used to work, France and Alfredo the Third. A lovely dog with sparkling black eyes and adorable fluffy white fur…’
Repeating this to myself like self-hypnosis seemed to actually help. The kiss that had felt disgusting became less repulsive when I thought of it as a peck with a cute puppy.
Steeling my resolve, I slowly stepped toward where he was. Thinking of him as France and Alfredo definitely helped – even his shimmering silver hair felt like France’s fur.